Science Squirt-Bottle
by Alice'sTardis
Summary: It's just another day in Nightvale, but this time, you get to see Carlos' side of the day as well. Tamika Flynn defies StrexCorp, visits Carlos' book club (that Cecil didn't know existed), and then leaves the scene. Khoshekh's kittens grow, Dana returns and news from the PTA! Some credit must go to my two brothers, Richard and Christian, who gave me some plot ideas.


"The sun goes out. Chaos reigns. Years later, aliens find humanity huddled around volcanoes…" Carlos reads from the small notebook in his hand. Cecil looks at him excitedly, hoping that Carlos will approve of this opening for the radio show he has later. "That wouldn't work unless the people took food animals into the volcanic areas with them and found something other than plants to feed them with" Carlos says as he spoons some cereal into his mouth. Cecil shrugs. Carlos gives a little laugh and shakes his head, his perfect hair bouncing magnificently about his face.

Cecil grabs the notebook from Carlos' hand and crosses out the last sentence. He takes a few absent-minded sips of coffee (he had recently given up his usual morning drink of orange juice about a month ago) and taps the end of the pen against his chin. "Ah," he exclaims, causing Carlos to jump and spill his spoonful of cereal and milk on his pants. Cecil does not notice as he scribbles furiously in the notebook. "Here, what about this? The sun goes out. Chaos reigns. The moon's only function now is to block the stars. Well?" Cecil looks up to find Carlos not in his seat. "Carlos?" he calls.

"Sorry, what?" Carlos responds, poking his head out of the bedroom. "I spilled cereal on my pants, I'm getting a new pair."

"Oh…Well hurry, I have to be at the station in a half-hour and I need to write this line." Cecil turns back to his coffee and swallows the last dregs.

Carlos re-emerges from the bedroom with a new pair of pants and a labcoat on. "Alright, read it again," Carlos prompts, resting his hands on the back of Cecil's chair. Cecil obliges.

"I like it. It would work scientifically, better than the other one," Carlos says approvingly. Cecil smiles to himself and boxes the line.

"...Welcome to Night Vale!" Cecil begins his radio broadcast. He sits stiffly in his chair as the opening music plays, aware of the entity that may not be human that watches him from the sound booth. He shifts his notes and find the first news story he needs to report.

"Hello Listeners! This morning, as some of you may be aware, Tamika Flynn and her army of children stormed the mayoral campaign offices of Hiram McDaniels. Tamika claims that he accepted a donation from StrexCorp and therefore must be destroyed. Tamika gave the following message in her takeover of Hiram McDaniels' press conference: 'Prepare yourselves. Prepare. PREPARE.' She then took an orange from her pocket and, staring into the eyes of the nearest StrexCorp representative, took a large bite. Tamika did not disappear but rather walked off the stage and led her army back towards the desert." Cecil watches the entity pale as he reports and then rush out of the sound booth once he concludes with Tamika's final action.

"Listeners, I just received a text from Carlos saying that Tamika stopped by the house. She's there right now, having tea with Carlos' science/book club and discussing the book they are reading, The Game of Thrones. That's nice. I didn't know he had a book club. " Cecil tells his listeners. He watches the entity re-enter the sound booth and begin pacing.

"In other news, the Parent-Teachers-Association's head, the Glow Cloud, has come out with an update on their plans for the education of the children of Night Vale, even though none of them attend school anymore as they are all following Tamika out in the desert. She really does seem to be coming up everywhere today!"

Carlos nods at Cecil's statement, considering the fact that Night Vale's own child-general is sitting in his living-room, drinking tea, discussing Game of Thrones. He has a nagging feeling that Tamika is here for more than just book club.

"And now a word from our sponsors. 'Legends and Myths are Fact. That's right, Centaurs and Valkyries, Satyrs and Gorgons, they are all real! The only things that are truly Mythical are Humans. We do not really exist. We pretend we exist so that we do not feel the truth of our nothingness. Some will believe this, others will not. If you believe, lie on a cold tile floor and surround yourself with bloodstones, weeping for the truth of your nonexistence until you fade away. If you do not believe, find someone who does and join them for dinner. You will believe afterwards. You will believe. YOU WILL BELIEVE. This message was brought to you by Bantam Publishing House, a subsidiary of StrexCorp.'" Cecil leans back in his chair, listening to this pre-recorded message play. This week's intern, Jacob, comes out of his office and hands Cecil a sheet of paper, hiding the exchange behind a coffee cup. "I have just received a piece of paper from the intern, Jacob. This piece of paper is covered in lots of random letters connected by one, two or three lines. How cute! It kind of looks like a cat! Speaking of cats, Khoshekh's kittens have grown to the size of footballs and have stung three interns recently. They were rushed to the hospital where, unfortunately, the doctors were unable to prevent their skin from boiling off."

Carlos, listening from home, becomes curious about the paper that Cecil received. He re-enters his living room and ushers book club from the couches and out of the house. Tamika sits there un-moving, and Carlos lets her stay. She has some reason for being there. Carlos pulls out his phone as he turns from the front door and texts Cecil, asking that he fax the paper to the house. He then braces himself and goes into the living room.

Tamika is gone. In her place is a bowl of oranges and a piece of paper that says PREPARE. He tentatively picks up the bowl of oranges and takes it into the kitchen to place it on the counter. As he does so, he hears the sound of the fax machine from his lab. He rushes into the lab and grabs the paper from the fax machine so violently that he almost tears the piece of paper. He looks it over: yes, it_ IS _what he thought it might be. It is an illustration of a chemical compound. But Cecil is right, it looks like a cat.

Back at the station, the entity has started to glow a menacing shade of red. "Listeners, I may have to cut this broadcast short, as the entity is glowing red. Now he is moving to the wall of the sound booth and placing his hands directly in front of his shoulders. The wall, dear listeners, appears to be melting! No, not melting. The wall is turning black and indigo. It is swirling into the vortex that when I last saw it, led me to that other place that was covered in blood and animal viscera. The entity dissolved and now there is nothing but the portal."

Carlos, meanwhile, hears none of this as he is trying to create the chemical that is described on the paper.

"NO." Cecil yells. "That twisted man whom I tried to choke, the one who looks like me but his eyes, his eyes are not the same, just walked through the portal. He sees me. He is, for right now, stuck in the sound booth, but will not be for long.

"In other news," Cecil continues, voice shaking, watching this man, whose name he does not know, pace back and forth, head lolling to one side, a crazy smile on his lips. "The rift that we presumed closed, you know, the one that released those pterodactyls in the PTA meeting a year and a half ago? It is just sitting there, open, nothing spilling forth yet, but that may just mean that something even bigger is coming." The man in the sound booth locates the door and opens it. "The man in the booth, whose head lolls and lips curl in a wicked grin, has escaped the sound booth *Rustle* I am gathering my things…*creak* The man has closed the door. I cannot escape. He is approaching."

"Hello again. My name is Kevin. I remember you, you gave me a hug when we met in the portal."

"Dear Night Vale, I don't know if I will see you again, but as I try to deal with this psychopath, I give you The Weather." Cecil hits a button on the radio controls before tackling Kevin.

Carlos hears the sound of the weather coming on and realizes that he does not know what has happened to Cecil in the last few minutes. However, he was triumphant in creating the chemical. He does not know what to call it, but he pours it into a spray bottle for easy transport. When he re-enters the kitchen, Tamika Flynn has returned and is sitting on the counter, peeling an orange. "Hello, Carlos. So, did you make it?" She asks without removing her attention from the orange.

Carlos edges around the walls towards the door. "Hello Tamika. What are you here for now?" Carlos asks, listening to the radio in the next room over and determining that the weather is still playing.

Tamika pops an orange slice into her mouth. Carlos' eyes go wide as she remains sitting on the counter, not fading away. "How….how do you do that?"

"Not telling. But, what you have there can be combined with a couple of other things to create a weapon. Good luck." She hops down from the counter and walks past Carlos. A few seconds later, he hears the slam of the front door and lets out a breath he did not know he was holding. He hears that the weather is over, but that no one is behind the mic. He takes the spray bottle and an orange and leaves, headed toward the radio station.

Meanwhile, Cecil is beating Kevin away from him and straining to reach the microphone at the same time. Kevin grabs Cecil around the throat and squeezes. Cecil kicks at Kevin and he rolls off. At that exact same moment, a giant monster rips its way through the opposite wall, destroying the door that Cecil may have, at one point wished to escape through. The monster's giant clawed foot comes down on Kevin and then it stops moving. Cecil grabs the microphone and begins reporting. "The man, Kevin, tried to suffocate me, but I threw him off. A giant monster crashed its way through a studio wall and is now standing on top of Kevin. But wait, there is someone riding it. It's...it's Dana! Hello Dana, welcome back!"

"It's good to be back Cecil. I guess it was just luck that the rip in space-time opened back up again, or else Rexy and I would never have been here to help."

"Rexy?" Cecil asks, taking a better look at the monster. "Oh, I see now. It's no ordinary monster that saved me, but a T-Rex. Thank you Dana, and *pat pat* Rexy." Suddenly they both hear helicopters. "*Whoosh whoosh whoosh* Listeners, you may be able to hear the sound of helicopters through this microphone. Because the station no longer has one wall, I can see that the helicopters approaching are yellow. StrexCorp is converging on the studio. Dana, prepare for battle." At that moment, another man steps from the portal, and at first, Cecil thinks that it is Carlos; but even though he has the same perfect hair, this man does not have Carlos' ever present perfect lab coat on. Instead, he is wearing a trench coat.

Carlos approaches the radio station and sees that there is a T-Rex standing half in the studio and that one wall is missing. He also hears the fast approaching helicopters and sees that they are yellow. He begins to fear that Cecil may already be dead. He rushes through the large hole and sees Cecil pinned beneath the T-Rex's foot, but no, Cecil is standing in front of his desk broadcasting. And then he sees himself emerging from the sound booth, in which there is a dark, swirling portal.

"Carlos' double has exited the sound booth, and Oh, look! There's the real Carlos, entering the studio. He is holding a spray bottle and an orange. I wonder why." Cecil waves at Carlos and Carlos gives him a half-hearted wave back with the hand holding the orange, obviously overwhelmed by the scene that meets his eyes.

Dana approaches Carlos and takes the spray bottle from his hand. "What's this?" She asks.

"It's uhh….it's um, a, uhh….chemical compound. From the paper, you faxed me, Cecil." Cecil beams and continues to report on the scene, mainly emphasizing the advancing helicopters.

Dana hands the spray bottle back to Carlos. Carlos watches warily as his double sits on the claw of the T-Rex crushing Cecil's double. The T-Rex rumbles ominously.

"Listeners, I know that my radio show should end now, but I cannot leave you hanging like this before the climax of today's happenings. Plus, the sun hasn't even started going down yet. So please enjoy this word from another of our sponsors."

Cecil hits a button and an ad starts playing. He motions for Carlos and Dana to come over to the desk. The helicopters are almost on top of them.

"Hello, Carlos. What do you call this?" Cecil asks, motioning to the spray bottle.

"I don't know yet. But Tamika said that it wasn't complete without two more things. I think one of them is the StrexCorp oranges, because Tamika left a bowl of them at the house." As he speaks, he takes the spray top off and starts peeling the orange. Dana and Cecil watch as he separates the sections and pushes them through the top into the liquid below. As each hits, the section dissolves with a hiss.

"The helicopters are circling," Cecil returns to broadcasting. "Carlos has a compound that dissolved the StrexCorp oranges but requires something else. He is trying to figure it out, by looking at the sheet of paper, but all I continue to see is a cat." The helicopters stop circling and begin hovering. They are calling out with bullhorns, and the message is heard throughout Night Vale thanks to Cecil's microphone.

"Surrender the returned intern, the doubles, the radio broadcaster and the scientist."

"Never, dear listeners, did I expect this! I will not surrender to StrexCorp, and neither will Carlos." Carlos crumples up the paper in frustration and throws it to the ground.

Dana hits her forehead, like something just became apparent. "Cecil!" She shouts over the sound of the descending helicopters, "It looked like a cat! Where have you seen a cat before?" And Cecil realizes how right she is.

"Listeners!" Cecil shouts. "Dana has just had a revelation. The molecule looked like a Cat! The only cats I know of are Khoshekh, and his kittens! Carlos, you need something from the cats in the men's bathroom!" Cecil shouts into the microphone even though Carlos is standing right there in front of him. Carlos rushes to the bathroom and returns by the time the yellow helicopters have landed.

"That's it! The compound is complete!" He yells over the whine of the engines. "I think we have to use it against StrexCorp! It has oranges and kitten poison in it! It's a fairly lethal mix! But I still don't know what to call it!"

"I DO!" Shouts Cecil, grabbing a sharpie marker and hurdling over the desk. He grabs the bottle, and as he writes, he yells, "SCIENCE!"

And then the entities that work for StrexCorp emerge from the helicopters. Dana clambers back onto her T-Rex and directs Rexy towards the helicopters. Cecil approaches the doubles and, as they refuse to fight against their Lordly StrexCorp, Cecil grabs Kevin and Carlos' double by the scruffs of their necks and leads them back into the sound booth and then shoves them forward into the portal. Carlos pours some of the mixture that Cecil deemed "Science" into a second spray bottle for Cecil.

Dana and Rexy begin smashing the yellow helicopters as the entities advance on Carlos and Cecil. Carlos throws the second bottle to Cecil and starts spraying the Strexians in the face. Cecil, however, before he will defend himself, writes Science on the spray bottle. He sprays the nearest humanoid Strexian in the face and watches as he begins to grow purple fur out of every orifice; then he begins to twist like the portal until he is reduced to a singularity and then the singularity pops out of existence.

Carlos sprays a Strexian, whose skin immediately scales over before the entity falls away like ash in wind. A combination of odd disappearances follow every time Cecil or Carlos spray an entity.

Dana and Rexy finish tearing apart the last of the helicopters and move to help, but the dinosaur won't move forward. Instead, it is being sucked backwards. Dana slides down off Rexy just before he is sucked backwards completely. "Well," she states matter-of-factly, "guess he had to go back to his own time." Before she can move, though, she is surrounded by StrexCorp entities. Carlos and Cecil rush to her aid, spraying the Strexians but being careful not to spray Dana.

Carlos just now notices that Cecil is holding the mic and has been narrating the whole encounter.

Carlos sprays the last Strexian, and he disappears. Cecil declares their victory for all to hear.

The sun has begun to set, the sky is turning pink, and they have won, but something is wrong. Dana.

Dana was not hit directly with a spray, but a small amount wafted over onto her face. Cecil and Carlos realize with horror that they cannot save her. Cecil drops the microphone as Dana falls to the floor, slowly sprouting fur. "Oh, Dana, I'm so sorry."

But Dana doesn't seem to be fazed. "No, Cecil, it's alright. I think this had to happen. You... learn things when you are removed from reality, and if this didn't happen, the loop wouldn't have closed." She closes her eyes and relaxes as she grows fur and shrinks. But she starts floating. And then, she grows a tail. And pointy ears. And Cecil realizes what is happening.

"Khoshekh," he whispers. "But, how?"

Dana/Khoshekh meows and bats a paw at Cecil and then disappears in a puff of smoke. The smoke smells like time and the Glow Cloud.

Cecil picks up the microphone as the sun dips beneath the horizon. "Dear Listeners, Intern Dana, before my very eyes, turned into a floating cat and then disappeared backwards in time. She became the floating cat that we know today as Khoshekh. And now, I must bid you adieu. Goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight." Cecil concludes, taking one last look around him at the destruction before putting the microphone down on the desk.

FIN


End file.
